Misery Loves Company
by die kaiserin
Summary: Hama no Jennifer and her quirks . . . which, obviously, translates to her second son's misery. KonYuu-ish


Misery Loves Company.  
BY: ayeh.  
EMAIL: parikalaatgmaildotcom  
FANDOM: Kyou Kara Maou!  
RATING: PG cause I'm too afraid to write anything higher.  
COUPLE: Konrad/Yuuri -- supposedly.  
TIMELINE: Whenever, except, suffice to say, the Betrayal Arc is not taken into consideration.  
SUMMARY: Hamano Jennifer and her quirks . . . which, of course, equates to her second son's misery.  
NOTES: Part of Something-Or-The-Other Series. Spoiler for episode, uh, the Yuuri-in-a-Maid-Costume one and semi-one-dimensional portrayal of Wolfram and Gunter although their part here is minimal cause it's just a short so I don't really know HOW one-dimensional they are. Also, nonsensical plot and butchery of characterization. Ehh. I wanted to write Konrad and Yuuri in what might be an everyday setting without any angst or whatever cause others are more than good enough authors to tackle that part of this relationship and I don't WANT to tackle that part of their relationship but, ehh. Guess I failed. Well. Never did say I was any good. Oh! And I wrote Konrad with a 'K' cause it , uhh . . . looks more cool that way? Eh?

- - -

So! Question of the day:

What kind of mother would dress her innocent and sensitive teenage _son_ in these--_these_--things!

It was bad enough that he was _still_ unable to untangle the disgustingly pink ribbon from his hair, bad enough that too-bright make-up was splattered all over his face.

It was worse when he realized the network of ribbons behind the _numerous_ frills were tied with knots upon knots upon _knots_ that seemed to have been wielded--("With metal!")--in the fabric just to ensure he'd have the hardest time untying just one of them.

Worse still when his mother took a picture--("Mother!" "Call me Mama, Yuu-chan." "That's not the point!")--for 'remembrance', saying and cooing all the while, "See Yuu-chan? If you dress up a little--("A LITTLE!" was his very calm and very reasonable and so very _not_ hysterical response)--you'd be as pretty as you used to be. Don't you think you're cute and nice-looking like this? Mama worked SO hard to make these for you. Can't you feel Mama's super, super love?"

But the worst part of all just _had_ to be this.

"You have GOT to be kidding me," Yuuri moaned despondently.

There were three VERY familiar people searching the surroundings, the very green and medieval ("Dark Ages-medieval. Gothic castles with pointy spikes.") surroundings, for someone they call---

"Heikaaaaa!"

"Yuuuuuri!"

And why did it seem that he NEVER has any luck? HUH?

Scrambling away from the bucket of water he'd appeared from, Yuuri threw himself inside the closest room available, promptly closing the door behind him. He hoped they haven't seen him yet. Considering the state of his . . . person, he REALLY hoped they haven't seen him yet. They were looking the other way, weren't they? In the fountain near the courtyard?

Somewhere, out there, there was a higher power with a very, very sick sense of humor. Somewhere, out there, said higher power was having too much fun with the eccentricities and . . . and just plain _weirdness_ Yuuri had to encounter everyday.

Surely no higher power can be this cruel! Yuuri thought, incredulously.

And then, remembering that the Original King was the reason he was able to travel dimensions in the first place, Yuuri became extremely paranoid.

Struggling again to untangle the ribbon from his hair with one hand, Yuuri's other hand took a layer--("Of five!")--of his skirt to wipe his face free from make-up. He'd been traveling through water, right? It should be easier to erase now. With one hand, Yuuri scrubbed his face hard, not minding when his face smarted and when he began seeing lights dancing behind his closed eyelids.

It was only when he looked upon a window pane that he truly wondered what his previous incarnation had done so horribly and so unforgivably to deserve a fate as worse as longer-lasting, not-washable-by-water make-up.

The pounding on the door started.

"Heika? Heika! You're in there, aren't you? I'm sure of it! HEIKA?"

If you're so sure, Yuuri thought blandly, what's the point of asking?

"Yuuri, we know you're there! We saw the trail of water! Open up!"

Gyeh. What water? What WATER? There is no water! You're imagining things!

The shouting continued though Yuuri denied them a response. He will Most. Certainly. Not! let them see him this way. Definitely!

"Wolfram, Günter, if Yuuri is inside, I'm sure he has a good explanation for locking the door," said a calm voice, and Yuuri couldn't help but nod his head in silent agreement. A VERY good explanation indeed, one he will never, ever tell. "If he's not answering, maybe he doesn't want us to intrude. Or." Konrad paused. "He might not be there at all."

That's right. I'm not here, I'm not here, I'm not here at all. Yuuri gathered the silence to him like a cloak, regulating his breathing until he was hardly moving at all. When the silence on his side of the door was complete and Yuuri could almost believe he wasn't there, someone, predictably, had to ruin it.

"But Konrad, Konrad, Konrad!" Günter insisted, voice tinged with worry. "You don't understand. There is a . . . a matter that needs our utmost attention!"

"Utmost attention?" Wolfram asked, and Yuuri pressed his ears to the door to listen.

"Yes." Günter paused, and Yuuri wished he'd hurry up with his explanation. The dress, with all its layers and frills and strings and--("And what the hell are _these_?")--was actually quite heavy. And itchy. And just really not comfortable. It was wearing him down just to stand up.

"You see--well, there is the possibility that this is wrong, but . . . A castle helper, said, well, a castle attendant said . . . " Günter made a sound that was suspiciously like a sob. Yuuri, who was trying to figure out how to successfully untangle the ribbon without taking clumps of his hair--("And scalp, most probably.")--stilled to listen more closely.

"Someone saw a woman enter this room!" Günter finally blurted.

And the silence that followed was silently ominous in its silent silence-ness . . . though Yuuri was quite sure he was grammatically incorrect.

It was, Yuuri would later think, the eye of a very nasty storm.

"HEIKA! What are you doing alone in a room with some woman!" The force of Günter's shout pierced through the one-and-a-half thickness of the sturdy wooden door. It was sharp enough to render Yuuri deaf for all of seven seconds.

Wolfram's shout of, "Yuuri, you cheater!" soon followed the very loud shouting spree that Günter started, and Yuuri heard it despite the seven-second deafness. "Open this door right now! How dare you allow a vile woman to be this near you when you won't even open the door for me! YUURI!"

On the other side of Günter's sob-filled laments and Wolfram's angry outbursts, Yuuri was immobile on the floor.

Someone . . . Someone saw me . . . Someone saw me like _this_!

Too distraught by the possibility of having been seen, Yuuri reacted normally to Konrad's, "Heika, please open the door. It's best to clear this while it's still remarkably simple," with a, "Don't call me Heika, Nazukeoya."

It paved the way for whole new bouts of laments and outbursts.

"Oh, Heika!" Günter said, "So you _are_ there! Please rest assured. We shall make that vile woman pay for what she's done to you!"

"Yuuri!" came Wolfram's voice. "You really have no morals! You better not have let that evil woman touch you! Yuuri!"

A vile, evil woman, huh? Were they talking about his mother?

Wait, that's not the point.

"Yuuri," Konrad said, "are you all right? Can you open the door? Is someone there with you?"

Yuuri finally gave up his game of tug-of-war with the hair ribbon and sighed. Miserably, he answered, "I can't, Konrad. I'm fine though, so don't worry. I just _really_ can't open the door." He added, quite hastily, "And I'm alone, okay! Alone! There's no one else here! I'm perfectly alone!" when he heard Wolfram starting the mantra for his fire spell.

Wolfram didn't believe him. Günter commented that since Yuuri said it, then it must be true though Günter's voice was a little too meek to be comforting. Amidst Wolfram's shouting, Günter's half-felt reassurance and the general affair of trying to tear the devil-made dress--("Complete with hell-fire forged cloth and demon-spawned thread! Each sold separately,")--off of him, Yuuri heard soft laughter that he knew to be Konrad's.

"Alone, are you, Yuuri?" Konrad asked, though his voice told Yuuri he already knew the answer. His voice was soft and amused and spoke of an understanding that made Yuuri felt weak with relief. The deliverance was soothing in a way the whole day hadn't been and it was so quiet amidst the loudness of everything else that it made Yuuri want to laugh along with it.

"Konrad, you're laughing at me!" he whined, but there was a smile on his lips. Trust Konrad to get it so quickly. Konrad will help him for sure.

"Not at all. I'll just be a moment, then. I'll have to, ah--" The voice softened a little. "Wolfram, Günter, why don't we leave Yuuri here for now? If he says he's alone, then the servant must have been wrong. I don't think he's in any danger and it seems our presence here is only causing more problems for him."

"How can you be so sure?" Wolfram demanded.

Yuuri could almost hear the smile in Konrad's voice. "It's Yuuri. I can pretty much guess what he's up to. Since I'm always by his side."

"He's right! He's right!" Yuuri said loudly, overshadowing Wolfram's "So, what is he up to?" so that Konrad didn't have to answer it. "He's perfectly right, actually. There's this Earth-thing I need to do by myself but I'm not allowed to let anyone else see it so, I kinda need to be alone now. I'll be with you all in about, uhh, well . . . no time at all! It's a promise! You understand, right?"

Of course they did, Wolfram said after a pregnant pause. Günter affirmed readily. In times like this, Yuuri was glad that despite everything else, Wolfram and Günter were on his side. It made things like this easier.

In a day that had been so exhausting, it was nice to have something go his way, for once. When they left, Yuuri slumped on the floor.

He had just finished counting the many and varied reasons why he's sure there's a global, inter-dimensional conspiracy to ensure he'd have a crazy and unusual life (with his mother as the President and Intelligence Officer while a blond, long-dead guy who can't let go of his duty was the VP and Internal Affairs dude) when a knock sounded. "Yuuri? I brought clothes for you," came Konrad's voice from the other side of the closed door.

Yuuri's sigh of relief was astounding in its heart-felt intensity.

Opening the door wide enough for a body to fit in, Yuuri steeled himself for the reaction of someone-who-is-not-as-crazy-as-his-mother might have. Maybe if he pretended he was in cosplay, the burning humiliation would lessen just a tad bit.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

Uhh . . .

"The name's Misery, Sir Knight. Nice to meet you."

To his credit, Konrad's smile didn't falter or change the slightest when he saw Yuuri. "Good evening, Lady Misery. You're quite pretty, aren't you?"

Yuuri pointed an accusing finger at Konrad. Apparently, the lack of change in expression didn't equate to Konrad not teasing him. "That's what my mother said!"

"Must be because it's true." Konrad's smile widened. "Lady Misery."

"Stop calling me Lady, Konrad. I can't believe you called me _Lady_."

"But aren't we playing pretend?" Konrad asked and Yuuri thought, sometimes, he finds it too comforting that Konrad can pretty much figure out what he did or planned. Of course, it was troublesome some other times too, but when Konrad looks at him in that way, with that gentle look and knowing smile, Yuuri realizes he's really thankful he didn't have to explain.

"Right," he said with a nod. "I am _pretending_ to be a teenage boy who is _pretending_ to be the personification of Misery because his mother is weird enough to dress him up like he was some plastic doll for her own sick and twisted amusement." He looked at Konrad mock-seriously for a second. "Just pretend though, of course."

"Of course," Konrad replied just as seriously, though his eyes smiled at Yuuri, amused.

Yuuri crossed his arms, nodding his head, before he saw what he looked like on the window pane. He promptly decided he didn't JUST think he was cute when he did that.

"There's also a sick, sick Original King out there in the spirit-sphere to get me," Yuuri added, conspiratorially. "The fact that there is really only one Original King in this world and who else might I be talking about if not for _the_ Original King is pointless and irrelevant to this discussion, and as such, statements contradicting this statement will be ignored. Hey, Konrad. Does this explain why Wolfram . . . I mean, they DO look freakily alike and all."

And the laugh that followed soothed Yuuri all over again.

"So this is your mother's doing, is it?" Konrad asked, as one hand tried to smudge the make-up on Yuuri's face. His smile turned into a frown when nothing happened. "It won't come off."

"Yep. It's new and improved which means it's evilerer than the normal eviler make-up we have at home." Yuuri paused. "Uh, is it grammatically correct to say 'evilerer'? Well, anyway, yeah, my mother caused this. She said she's tired of me being a disgusting boy and why couldn't I become the pretty child I was. Then this morning, I woke up like this. 'See, Yuu-chan, now you fit your name! All you have to do is find your knight in shining armor and it'll be a perfect fairytale story!'--she said. Her eyes were even sparkly-sparkly as she said it. I wanted to tell her I'm not exactly in a fairytale story, but, uhh . . . how about we not go there, yeah?"

Konrad placed the clothes on the nearest chair. "I've never heard a fairytale like this either, I'm afraid. Maybe we can ask Anissina to make you a story then?"

Unbidden, Yuuri's mind wandered to the territory of the books Greta made him read. He ordered the emergency break system on his thoughts to stop it. "Ahaha, maybe not. I'm . . . no. I don't think so."

"In any case," Konrad said, "you should have told Wolfram and Günter about this. It's less tasteful and a lot more boring than their imaginations, but at least they won't get fired up. They're both sure you're under a vile woman's evil manipulations."

"They don't mean my mother, right?" Yuuri said, frowning. "Well, it's more of an evil woman's vile manipulations anyway, but, wait--that's not the point, is it? Heh, heh. Well, uh . . . I don't want them to see me like this. Look at me!"

"I am looking." Konrad stepped closer to untie the ribbon in Yuuri's hair. "You've worn a maid's uniform before, right? I'm sure they won't react the way you imagine they would. I see you right now and I'm all right with it."

Yuuri looked at Konrad like he was crazy. "What are you talking about?"

"What do you mean?" Konrad asked, successfully untying the ribbon on Yuuri's hair.

"You're _Konrad_," Yuuri said, and, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and why the hell didn't Konrad know this already, he added, "I knew _you_ wouldn't judge me." And if the expression on Konrad's face looked a tad bit surprised, Yuuri didn't comment on seeing it.

"Can you imagine Wolfram's reaction--ehh . . . Actually, I don't wanna think about it. Günter would probably--gah--not thinking about that either! There are just countless things that could happen. Bad Things. With capital letters cause this deserves random capitalizations, you know? I don't even have the option of changing my name and going to another country cause, well, I just can't leave, now, can I? And what if Murata had seen me? The look on his face . . . "

Konrad was smoothing down Yuuri's hair when wide, black eyes widened. "Could you _imagine_ if I changed into the Maou wearing these clothes?"

There was a moment of total encompassing silence; Yuuri paused his rambling to look at Konrad's all-too-serious face.

It never lasts, the silence. Slowly, ever so slowly, Konrad's right hand was raised to cover his mouth and Yuuri's face twisted in confusion before understanding dawned. He said, laughing, "You imagined it!"

"It was quite the amusing image." Konrad started work on the network of strings below Yuuri's collar bone.

"And I couldn't even untie this stupid ribbon!" Yuuri gave the ribbon an evil glare. "I think it's unfair that you took it off so casually."

"I had the advantage of seeing the knot. See?"

The front of Yuuri's dress slowly opened up to reveal his chest as Konrad continued working on the buttons and strings. His eyes moistened. "Konrad! You saved me!"

Konrad smiled. "I'll always try my best, Heika."

"Heika, heika." Yuuri frowned. "I told you. It's Yuuri. YUU. RI."

"I thought it was Misery? Lady Misery, if you'll take the dress off? I'd like to see my Yuuri again."

"Roger!" Yuuri saluted then shimmied out of the many layers of the dress, threw everything to the room's corner and was positively ecstatic when it flopped on the other side soundlessly. "Ah, human again. Thanks for being here, Konrad."

Konrad gave him the new clothes. "I'm always glad to be your company, Yuuri."

"Yeah! Misery loves company, after all," Yuuri said, his voice muffled by the shirt he was putting on.

Konrad slowly smiled. Had Yuuri not been too preoccupied putting his clothes on, it would have paved way for too many questions Konrad had no way of answering. "I'm sure company feels the same way," he whispered in a voice too soft for Yuuri to hear.

"Hmm? Konrad?" Yuuri asked as he turned to Konrad with a smile, clothes in proper order, hair, ribbon-less, though the make-up still very much present on his face. "Did you say something?"

- - -

une. ende. 2920 . 01242006


End file.
